Archive | March 2015

How to alienate the cake community

o-ANNOYING-facebook

Every day, I see people make mistakes on Facebook, Instagram and other social media.  I honestly think that most of these folks are new in the cake community and simply don’t realize that what they are doing irritates others.  Rather than continuing to read rants from folks about everything these newbies do wrong, I thought it would be nice to take a tongue in cheek look at the things that get on the nerves of the decorating community.  The saddest part is, I’ve seen each of these personally!  If you want to alienate others, here are my suggestions:

Steal Photos of Other’s Work

Choose a photo of a beautiful cake. Go into photo shop and erase their watermark. Put yours on there. Publish it on your Facebook page. Deceive your customers into thinking you are “that good.”

For Bonus Points:  Build a photo album completely comprised of cakes made by others. The more famous the sugar artist, the more cakes of theirs you should use.

For Bonus Bonus Points:  Apply for a TV show using cakes you did not make. Brag about your work in chat groups. OR tell your customers that the famous decorators pay you to post their pictures. (You’re just helping them out.)

Whine About Being left Out

Complain loudly and often that you were not included in a collaboration. Bitch that the TV producers never give you the time of day. Whine that your cake picture has been ignored and is not receiving hundreds of likes. Cry that no one answers your desperate pleas for help when you need that tutorial for free right now so you can do someone’s cake order. Who cares if you promised a cake you don’t know how to make? People should help you.

For Bonus Points:  Write hateful letters to the collaboration organizers, complaining about how unfair it was to leave you out. Write demanding letters to the person who just posted the cool cake–they owe you an explanation of how they made it!!

Pick an Unwinnable Fight

Tackle divisive issues like politics, religion, same sex marriage or box v. Scratch. Do this in a pleasant, fun cake chat group. Argue with anger. Use hurtful words. Be intractable. Never, ever agree to disagree.

Bad Mouth Your Customers or Competitors

Talk about how stupid your customers are. Show screen shots of conversations. Never explain the order process to them. Assume they know as much as you. Ridicule the work done by other decorators. Publicly humiliate them at every turn.

Bonus points for:  Not blocking the names of the “innocent”.

Bonus Bonus points if you can make a decorator cry or quit caking altogether.

Undercut your neighbors

Always offer to make cakes at ridiculously low prices. When competitors post cake photos, post a comment about how much more cheaply you will do it. Tag your friends on their photos. Conduct business on another bakery’s page.

Demand Classes and Tutorials for Free

Clearly, everyone should help you run your business. You should not have to pay for something that you NEED. Your need surpasses their right to get paid. It isn’t fair that they have this knowledge…even if they experimented for days to develop it. Isn’t caking about sharing?  Then tell them to share or else they are being mean and unhelpful.

For Bonus Points:  Take information from a paid tutorial or class and share it with the world. Why should anyone else have to pay?  Teachers are rich.

Shout that the Competition was Unfair

You should have won at the cake show. The judges are too old/too young/too behind the times. Let the world know that you deserved first place. Tell everyone how crappy the other cakes were. Brag that everyone said YOU should have won.

For Bonus Points:  Tell off the judges or show directors. This is even better if you scream and yell in public where everyone can watch.

Teach the Class You Just Took

You paid good money for that class, so you can do what you want with it.  You can share the tutorials with screen shots for your friends.  You can offer the same class you took – just remove the owner’s watermark and put yours in its place.  Steal their handouts and use them as your own.

Arrogantly Call Someone a Liar.

See an awesome cake.  Make a point of telling the designer that it is not real cake, even if they swear it is.  Even when the person posts pictures of the cake served, refuse to apologize.  You are ALWAYS right.

Tell People How They are Doing it Wrong

Wait for someone to post a recipe.  Tell them that they are making it wrong.  Announce how it should really be done.  Always be belligerent to the sweet person who posted the recipe.  It is even more fun if you list the ingredients you changed and complain that the recipe did not turn out.

Use the Dreaded “f” or “following” in a Thread

No matter how many times the administrators of groups show you how you can click on the top right corner and get notifications for a thread, it is just more satisfying to throw that “f” or “following” out there and see how many people you can upset.

Never, Ever Google for Cake Ideas, Tutorials or Recipes

The cake community is there to do your research for you.  You don’t have time to open a Google window, click on images, then enter your search terms!  It is so much more fun to go into a chat group and ask them to do the work for you.  It is even more fun if you post it in multiple groups at the same time!

 

I’m sure I’m forgetting lots of things, but this is a good start.  If you saw yourself in any of these, please take a moment and think about how your actions affect others.  Please take responsibility for your work.  Please stop stealing.  Please stop being mean.  Let’s all spread a little good in the world.  The Golden Rule isn’t just for Sundays!

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